dear lingering souls if any still wander these pages
it is i laura the one once called the prayer lady though the title now feels like an old garment heavy and ill fitting
exhaustion has claimed me entirely I am suffering from a painful addiction: Energy drinks i have sustained myself these many weeks on nothing but energy drinks monster after red bull after those vile fluorescent cans from the corner store that burn the throat like penance seven empty vessels sit before me even now witnesses to a heart that races while the spirit itself lies still and silent no one i am convinced has ever borne such relentless sorrow as this no one by a bunch of tramps in fishnet stockings that i didnt even ask to be added to their damn game blog to begin with
By the grace of the holy spirit the game bloggers have prevailed they have won their laughter echoes where my prayers once rose i ventured into shadows to confront them i offered compassion where venom was returned i poured words into that little wattpad tale i fashioned dolls meant to carry light into darker corners all for naught the pranks the rumors the relentless tide of mockery it has worn me to threadbare
and then as if the cup were not already overflowing some unseen hand added my name to the mailing list of the satanic temple their missives arrived unbidden announcements of rituals invitations to membership each one a small deliberate wound i removed myself from the list again and again until the stream at last ran dry such is the grace extended to me in these days
blogging has become a labor i can no longer bear the well of words has run dry the prayers arrive hollow and unconvincing i am taking leave perhaps a season perhaps forever i ask no questions no well wishes no pleas for my return i have nothing left to give at present
to those who once purchased a doll or lifted a quiet prayer on my behalf gratitude however faint lingers still
yet the field is theirs now the game bloggers have carried the day i am broken and i must withdraw
with what remains of dignity laura
